Twenty Seven

Jade buried her forehead against the top of her cell phone, and wrapped her arms around her legs – putting more pressure against the phone causing a possible mark. Then the frustration and longing came over her too quickly before she could catch herself, suddenly starting to quietly sob outside her front door.

It was a weird place for Jade to be in – but where else did he put her other than weird situations where he leaned into her and then pulled away.

Calvin went from telling her he didn’t want her and accepting her friendship and company anyway, to telling her she’s toxic and can’t admit she’s in love with him and it bothers him how jealous she got, to returning to her life 11 months later asking her to go places and eventually one night leading to something way more that Jade never thought would ever happen again.

“I don’t want to lose you again, not over doing stupid stuff like this – you mean too much to me Calvin.”

“We’ll figure it out, let’s just do this”

His playfulness, submissiveness, control, and a member so quality – God himself designed it – to drive Jade mad.

Jade snapped back into reality.

She went over the thoughts again of the phone call she was grateful to have had – grateful among other things…

Unconditionally Loving You

It was Friday morning, Jade usually checked in with Calvin since they were both at work and she knew he was in sales so he could kill time sometimes and would appreciate it.

Often Calvin’s warm and talkative but he can get short and sweet.

He used to pull away, and that’s part of the reason why Jade stepped away from him a year ago – but over that time she learned patience and understanding.

One of the best lessons Jade learned was that no matter how often people talk, or if you do respond to a message or not – people aren’t worried about losing you – they’re just carrying on with their day. She learned that she should of given Calvin more love, as she claimed she unconditionally loved him then. Although she bit her words when he found a way to communicate with her how hurt she made him and how he wished she asked if he was okay instead – he didn’t want to accept her apology.

Now? Now she just accepts it as a challenge – she’s been given the greenlight.

Calvin responded to Jades simple, “Calvinnnnn” message on instagram eventually in the afternoon.

“Supppp” he cooly responded, which was one of his usual just chillin responses she loved from him.

“I want to see you! What are you doing tonight?” Jade sent out hopefully.

The other night didn’t make anything awkward for them – not even the fact that he was and still is with Veronica, his long distance girlfriend who distanced Jade and Calvin a year ago…

“I’ll be out of town all weekend as soon as I get out of work.” He explained vaguely.

“Oh – you’re not going to work tomorrow? Are you going to see Ronnie?”

“I booked it off a while back, yea I’m heading there after work.”

Jade froze with jealousy, sadness, yearning, and guilt. She had begged him for access to his entire body the other night hoping she wasn’t around, while they were planning stuff together. He didn’t say her name at all – he was fully into fantasizing her wearing his favorite lingerie and accepting the idea of her having him in her mouth again finally.

Jade didn’t respond, but when she left work – she really wasn’t easy about it all – she wanted to stop him from going to see her.

What would she say? “Listen, bitch – I had him first – I love him and know him better than you so get out!”

No…it all has to be up to him.

The thought of Calvin touching and kissing Veronica sent a sharp pain through her chest briefly before she could catch her composure – she was used to those attacks.

“I hate him – but I love him so much…” Jade whispered to herself as she got her purse from her desk and walked out of the car dealership.

On her way home she figured she wanted to call him and tell him she unconditionally loved him because he helped her finally understand it. They had a conversation about it a few years ago, and Calvin insisted unconditional love didn’t exist because there were always conditions like – “if they cheat” that would break that connection and there would be no more forgiveness.

The Tarot Card Readings Say

A guilty pleasure of Jade’s is her tarot deck and watching Tik Tok’s mainly about tarot readings.

She finds joy in the videos because it somehow feels like magic the way that the readings somehow always seem to reflect specifically with specifics situations she would be currently going through.

Of course at this moment, and for months now, it’s been a progressive story of ‘he’s coming back; he realized he loved you and missed you’

Now her Tik Tok feeds are about twin flame re-unions, and how he’s getting rid of the third party because he realized that no one is you – you are the one he wants, yadda yadda.

It all felt too real to Jade though, and it’s what she truly wanted – and feared she would always want.

Jade shuffled her deck after watching a few videos and trying to vibe and forget about Calvin going to be with his girlfriend – she decided she was going to call him. Thanks to the guidance of the cards which were: The hermit, temperance, death/rebirth, and lovers – she decided to call him as a nurturing bubbly friend just to catch up after such an intimate night in such a weird situation.

Who wouldn’t want to be a twin flame reunion story? She felt like she was being urged to do something to put her in his head more than she already was.

She grabbed a cigarette, her lighter, and her cell phone – then headed upstairs.

Confident yet scared, she wanted to talk to him, she knew that. He was supposed to be driving yet his Instagram was active her and there which made her think he was either driving or driving and texting. Now sitting down with cigarette lit, she got over the butterflies and just hit the call button without hesitation – he better not be texting her and driving! Jade wondered if he would answer, but he answered on the second ring.

The phone connected to his truck’s audio.

Relief. He answered.

“Hello?” He answered confidently but warmly.

“Suppppp” Jade immediately regretted but hoped she sounded cool and non-dramatic.

“Nothing, Whats up with you!” He playfully responded.

“Are you driving now? Sounds like it!”

“Yes.”

Jade forgot why she called and didn’t lecture him to see if he was texting.

“How was your day at work Calvinnnn!”

She loved when he talked about work, he’s always so passionate about it – sometimes virtuous but rightfully so – it was a leader quality Jade loved about him.

They went into bitching about work like they normally did.

A year apart and Jade and Calvin never changed.

Now they had one more secret under their belt, and it tore at Jade every day teasing her.

“We’re going to a wedding”

“Are you guys matching outfits?”

“No.”

“You should!” Jade’s voice broke, the hurt became extremely clear in her voice which was getting lower as her throat wanted to sob at the thought.

“No, I don’t have anything yellow”

“You should!”

“It’ll be fine, no Lisa”

Jade wondered how he was going to be with her at a family event in a church after their night together.

“You’ll look handsome, I know that.” Jade loved the way Calvin dressed and carried himself – helping him to fix a slight shoulder hunch a year ago…he was perfect in her eyes with or without clothes on.

Jade made a joke about the wedding, which made Calvin and her reminice about good times had apart at weddings in the past but now theyre grown up and cannot drink into oblivion anymore.

As the conversation dwindled, Jade ended the conversation with a request for him to call her when he got back and to drive safe because she prayed for him.

He responded he would call her when he got back, probably Sunday evening, and they ended their twenty seven minute phone call that Jade didn’t know if he would answer for her to have.

She loved him at all costs – even if it meant knowing it was weird he was okay with doing this and having to be around her family knowing he cheated on their daughter with his long time girl best friend who he’s been to hell and back with over the last few years?

Jade got the courage to finally remove her head from her phone and stand up off her front door concrete steps.

Her butt was sore and she most definitely did have a mark on her forehead from leaning so hard into her cell phone, but at least now she wasn’t crying – she decided to go inside.

When checking how long the call was, Jade smiled at 27 minutes – his birthdate – and she couldn’t wait to give him his gift.

Furthermore though, she had to wait and find ways to keep herself entertained while she fought off the thoughts of him touching Ronnie the way she wished Calvin could touch her freely.

“Please, don’t make love to her Calvin…” Jade whispered, tears coming from her eyes.