The Dark Side of Love: What’s Out There in 2025?

At PenPalsFirst.com you’d want the creator to be an expert in finding, obtaining, solidifying, and continuing to model and playout a happy loving relationship I’d like to see you all foster here. That’s not completely the case though and no, I am not living that out – I’m in the trenches with you though, so I think that’s more important than bragging about something none of us really have.

See, life is a highway and we’re all in different vehicles doing different speeds in different areas… so never compare your journey.

While some may have married in their teens or twenties – we’re watching some of those situations now divorced and single/separated again, thus being thrown into the dating pool. It’s causing a situation where we’re broke some of us, emotionally not even developed, and carrying a lot of baggage from what they though would last forever. Also, there’s people on dating apps now who are in full blown relationships seeing what they can get still/ wanting to entertain their brokenness while not being able to leave an unhappy relationship.

Don’t you want you partner to be healed from trauma, able to handle their emotions and finances, and have obtainable goals that mean growth for the both of you?

Or are you not done crying yet?

That’s the stage I’m at – and where I’m hoping the audience of this article is at too – no more quick fake love that becomes chaotic later.

Elements of The Dark Side of Love

As someone who’s been through it while trying to find a husband/life partner, I can tell you a lot about:

• Chronic Lying
• Emotional/Verbal/Physical Abuse
• Financial Abuse & Debt
• Child Abuse
• Cheating/Cheating “indirectly”
• Low Self Esteem
• Going through a partner’s phone and finding things and still staying
• Poor body image
• Heightened body image
• Family Court
• Custody Fights
• Narcissism
• Police Calls & Statements
• Peace Bonds
• Constant Petty Child Protective Service calls
• Love Triangles
• Career changes due to who you have in your life
• Sleepless nights
• Control & Jealousy
• Uncontrollable Crying
• Complete inability to carry on – because they were the centre of your world
• Falling in love with your best friend
• Loving someone deeply even though they’re not in your life anymore
• Having people come in and out of your life

Pretty sure there could be more added to this list, but for now – that’s a lot to unpack.

How You Get Trapped

You can always think to yourself, “I’ll never be that girl who…”.

Everything is circumstantial, and you’d be shocked with what someone can actually do even though they said they’d never.

What if you don’t even know what’s happening to you, that you’re even trapped?

The sad part is – I think it’s just that we don’t know what’s happening to us. Domestic violence, controlling partners, drug abuse – were you extensively prepared for that in school or from your parents?

We’re mistaking someone’s quick and sexual actions towards us for love and passion when it’s really control and aggression disguised. But we, the ones who fall quickly for cheap sexual attraction, are loyal and committed already to the one who showed us that – so we believe we can fix them, fix the situation, and we stay. We accept small gestures and convince ourselves it’s the greatest thing ever – they’re sorry again – but the gesture was chicken nuggets and soda and sexy time…followed by a huge fight and slammed doors because you asked him to see his phone to play a song.

So many things are in play – like timing, placement, and energy… your partner isn’t coming in a rush to save you.

But, we get trapped because if we don’t know what our boundaries are yet, or that we even needed them – how can we defend ourselves against the attacks we don’t know are attacks? It’s almost as though these Karmic relationships are needed to teach us to be defensive, smarter, and not just to take anything to fill the void of a relationship.

We get trapped because our friends are done listening to us complain, while we do nothing to change our lives. We think there’s no one to help us, there’s no where to go after this – I promise you, there is – all you have to do is talk talk talk talk talk and talk some more about it until you convince yourself you need to go, and just go.

The Life Boat Theory

The worst mistake is the life boat theory, which I can gladly go into depth in another chapter – but it’s a real phenomenon where you choose someone to lean on while you are in a troubled relationship that you feel trapped in – and they’re your way out in your head. Whether or not you’d actually leave your partner for them, and if that person would be ready to receive someone just out of a relationship is a different question. Jumping from one person to another may be what you need to get through something at the time, but watch out because that relationship will be known as your Karmic Relationship – what does that mean? It means – you’re making yourself feel good and filling a need quickly thus being hasty and quite frankly, horny – and now you need to learn how to control that hastiness. If you’re religious at all, you could know this as “lust” and yes it’s a sin.

Do you remember the girl who ate the gum in Willy Wonka even though she was told not to – but she did it – and blew up and flew away in a grotesque but *public* way as an *example* to the crowd to “follow the rules”. That’s a karmic relationship in a nutshell. The girl and her bubble gum she just took – look where that led both of them!

Think about it, that relationship of yours that was chaotic – how did it start though?

Probably you were running from one burning ship to another one.

In my experience, the relationship after the big supposed to last forever relationship ends – is the worst, and why?

Because at the time you believe no one is as vile and evil as your ex. So when someone comes along sweet talking you, a thing you haven’t had in a long time or even ever really, you fall in love – quickly. Which is why, the honeymoon phase should never be a thing in relationships – because that’s when the magic happens and when the magic stops, never happening again. Love bombing is a more accurate way to put the honeymoon phase – and it does nothing but make you attached quickly.

“But, that’s the point – to get attached to the right person”

Welcome to 2025, there’s a lot of sexual activity going on in this world and it does not mean love. Males don’t fall in love with females at the same pace – they clue in 3 years and 11 months later. But what does that say for the relationship they rushed into quickly before they realized who they loved, just to spite that one girl? It says there’s a rocky road ahead for all involved. But wouldn’t you want that slow burn relationship anyway, without possibly wanting to leave for that one “what if” relationship? Why would you rush into a relationship with someone you knew for three weeks when you can get to know someone over years and live with them and see them and get to know them and make that informed decision?

Yes, arranged marriages work and love at first marriages are lasting, sure – but tell me – who are they really in love with?

Why doesn’t love matter, and further more – how do people describe love?

The Definition of Love

This can be different to everyone, but you personally – what do you feel love as?

An aching in your chest, constant thoughts, warmth, gratitude, joy, strength, peace, bravery, growth, never being alone?

Love is both a feeling and an action…

• At its core, love is deep care and connection — wanting the best for someone, even when it requires patience, sacrifice, or growth
• Real love shows up in consistent actions: respect, safety, trust, kindness, and the willingness to repair when things go wrong
• It isn’t about control, fear, or dependency – those are traps that masquerade as love

Think of it like this: Love should make you feel safe enough to be soft, and strong enough to be yourself.

Love has got to be a castle that only you can defend – no matter who or what stands against you – you will always defend this person no matter what and will always go to them for what you need.

Love is not control, it’s not selfishness, and it’s not supposed to be the very centre of your world.

You need your own identity without love.

If loving someone is all you have, then you are doing this at the wrong time and need to return to the dating pool once you learn to love yourself and feel whole on your own.

Do you feel you can be whole on your own?

The Dark Side of Love is Messy

Love is messy.

It’s fire and ice, calm and chaos, the thing that makes you feel whole and the thing that can break you down at a moments notice.

Love should add to your life and compliment it, not deplete you in any way.

Real love isn’t about control, being someone’s center, or losing yourself in the rush to “fall.”

Sometimes the hardest part is waiting — making sure you’re in love with the right person before the relationship even starts, so it has a chance to be stable, real, and lasting.

Before you let anyone in, ask yourself: can you sit with your own company, hold your own heart, and still be ready to share it without losing yourself? Does this person do that for themselves, and can they include me in their life the way I include them in mine?

Love isn’t a fairy tale, there’s a dark side to love; it’s the mirror that shows what you’ve survived, what you’ve learned, and how strong you really are. Our hearts of 2025 need protection – redirection – we need to remember that if love was easy to find, everyone who have it.

There are good people out there that deserve other good people if the good people could just stop getting caught up with the unhealed people.