Oh, the things you’ll sacrifice when you say forbidden relationships are just perspective when you just want it to work with someone.
Trust, your mind is rationalizing a bad decision to give you a temporary need, but what’s going on behind the scenes with person a and b and how is it affecting their basic human needs?
Wouldn’t it be nice to have their love and attention, to secure it, to show the world you’re not alone because you obtained a certain status, that feeling when you know someone you want wants you too.
Hope Fuels The Connection…
Hope plays a huge part, hoping that two sides want the same things, because to be to chosen is something we all want. However, if something is lacking anywhere, the situation is bound to crumble. Taking a look at the hierarchy of needs, what if person a meets person b when each of their basic needs could be jeapordized by this forbidden idea of being together because it’s not socially acceptable ie. an ex’s bestfriend or co-worker, and their psychological needs are being fueled by the connection – fueling the esteem – but then, the fear of losing the step before which is the foundation of physiological needs steps in and that’s where people can pull away from connections. It literally becomes “Can being with this person jeopardize
my basic foundational needs?”.
Losing Rest for the new Connection
A new connection can be fast – lustful – energetic and exciting. You spend hours talking to this new person, and before you know it, it’s 3am and you both are still up teasing each other with the thought of falling in love and being a good idea for each other. This is the connection you are both ready to have at the time, the energies are there and that is undeniable. What it means long term however, that’s a different story – because energetic connections like this are often fast and fleeting – and heart breaking – but what if it could be prevented by avoiding relationship burn out?
Could burnout happen because we exhaust ourselves talking to the new person every day, all day, and all night?
What if too much of a good thing, actually is a bad thing.
Suddenly we stop feeling energized by their energy and feel the lack of rest which is part of our essential programing called “physiological needs”, thus this attacks our foundation of basic needs: rest. Without that, the whole pyramid of basic needs thus controlling our happiness is at risk.
There’s no mental rest either when you’re worried if the connection is going to stay but you know deep down that the connection is forbidden and therefore the chances of it working out are only maybe 1%. It comes at a cost of needing to start all the way over, just because you wanted to be more than what you were with someone that made you make yourself crumble by sacrificing your needs.
Wanting the New Connection Not to Fade
One person pulls away – the other goes, “wait where are you going? I wasn’t done yet.”.
One person is acknowledging some fear while the other is ignoring the things maybe they should be concerned about. One doesn’t care much about llosing their own basic needs over this connection because they’re convinced they’re over the hump and are sturdy in the bottom two of the pyramid and the other isn’t so sure. This is where needs and wants get separated. But, is it just your ego telling you not to be discarded, and that it needed to end on your terms? Maybe you were the person that was awesome in the connection and you just miss the way you love when they let you love them.
There’s nothing you can do but step away – honestly. Break the pattern of talking to them as soon as you can if anyone identifies it as a toxic or forbidden connection. Even if circumstances were to change, societally speaking – the stigma of you two will always be there either internally or externally.
Physiological Needs Drained During Honey Moon Stage
As much as you want to, just make sure the other person is getting their sleep.
As romantic as WYD at 3am is, *eyeroll*, a rational person who respects your sleep doesn’t want to wake you up and make you tired.
If you’re staying up all night and thinking about them all the time and putting all your energy and time into them – this can totally cause burn out.
This is why you may see a lot of things that say you’ll lose the person you love at first.
During a new connection, sleep, space and emotional support are important to keep a new relationship going, and this is because people can become moody and warn down.
So, now does it make sense why it “fizzles out” after the 30 or 60 day trial? There it is.
How to Pace Yourself in a New Relationship
Now that you know if you take someone’s sleep, take all their time, and fill their head with you – that you make their basic needs essentially be threatened as they are literally not sleeping or thinking about their lives like they were before. This causes changes, this causes shifts – this is why they pulled away. They need a metabolic reset, you literally charged their whole existence with a lightning cable when they’re used to a USB. Now, as you are forced to step back or make a fool of yourself trying to hold on but being forced to accept the slow late drier replies. You can’t ask them for $24 dollars if they only have $8.
This means step away from the good morning, good night, how’s your day going, what’s for dinner, how’s the kids, and i miss yous and get really damn busy, You can ask these periodically but when they become routine, you’re in trouble.
Not talking every day is ok and healthy. Sure, you can check in once a day – but nothing is okay too – as long as there is circuling back.
Realize that if you are dependant on how this person’s messages make you feel, you want it too much and it’s probably going to burn you both out.
As hard as it is, make sure you don’t crumble either of your basic needs…if you can do that then the talking stage should last.
But if it’s forbidden and they believe it can jeopardize money, rest, or safety foundationally.. it’s not going to work out.